First, there’s the type of cry like when you stub your toe and the pain has nowhere to go, so it turns into liquid and forces itself out your eyes.

Then, there’s the type of cry that comes from grief. Sadness for a loss. It’s slow and steady, and has been waiting for someone to ask you how you’re doing. Then it bursts out of you, like a dam being broken. The pressure releases and you’re okay, in the end.

Then, there is the crythat absolutely erupts from the depth of your being. Where all the salt has settled from every disappointment in your life. It’s gets stirred up and spins upward through all of your fears and uncertainties and burns you on the way out to the point of not being able to open your eyes. Like fire and regret have turned into tears and they just want out.


It’s through the burning and stinging, through the pain and the blinking, that all the sorrows and regrets you can’t ever speak of just pool out of you.

And you can exhale.

For now.

Short breaths caught quick between sobs.

The poison has left you – for a little while. 

That’s the type of cry I’ve been having today.

Packing is hard.

Written by SJ VanDee

Recovery Blogger. Sober AF. Photographer. Storyteller. Writer.


  1. I get it, I think, I will often hear a piece of music or watch a well-written scene in a movie and I sob uncontrollably. I have attributed that to ungrieved moments when I’ve found it appropriate to be “strong” Thank You.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I don’t get the rage and anger. Though I know a lot of people who do. I get more of the sadness. The anchor. That shoots up and grabs me and tries to pull me down. I can be 200% OK then a song will come on and that anchor just starts to lift from the bottom and it grabs me. And…enter the ugly cry. LOL


  2. The most important words here may be, “for now.” You grieve for now, cry for now and express whatever you need to moment by moment. And this moment, like other difficult moments in the past, will turn into moments less difficult and even joyous. But for now, you have the right to express whatever you’re feeling. My prayers are with you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes…when you wrote “difficult moments in the past” –– that’s it right there. That’s what I need to climb over. Right now, I just need to get through the next 10 hours, and get on a plane, and work on this. Thank you for your prayers, I obviously need them… Getting this out is helping. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

Let's talk...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s